Vol.15 - Lessons Learned In My 20s

and a podcast on the art of disagreeing

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Happy Sunday, everyone! How are we all doing? Did we survive the Leo Moon? This week I’ve had everything from extreme PMSing, my skin peeling, an unexpected VAT bill and an old, balding man shouting at me and filming me in the park (in front of his two young daughters). On the plus side, I’ve also put out my first two Youtube videos and attended a preview screening and panel for the Oscar-nominated film ‘Women Talking’. I’ve also finally sorted out my health insurance after six months of dragging my feet. I’m finally seeing an endocrinologist next week after months of complaining but not really doing anything about it. In this issue, we have yet another attempt at a podcast where I talk about the art of disagreeing and how social media stifles constructive conversation, to lessons I learned in my twenties and the films that made me cry in public. Just a reminder that we still have The Rhubarb Society Playlist, which I am opening again for new additions, so please feel free to add ONE song that you think everyone should listen to at least once. And with that, let’s begin!

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THE CLUB CORNER

a feature in which I take recurring topics and questions from my DM’s and try my best to answer them - on today’s menu, we have;

‘Would you be open to writing a club corner dedicated to lessons you learned in your 20s?’

I’m a little upset about having to write about this, as it is a firm reminder that my 20s are on their way out. However, I’m also very grateful that I can write about this. When I was a teenager, I thought I would have it all figured out in my 20s. Incredible career by 23? Married by 24? House bought by 25? Never suffering from a bad skin day because I thought spots were for teenagers?? I grew up in a time when social media was barely a thing, and only it really became a ‘thing’ when I was already in my early twenties. My comparisons as to where I should be in life came from my peers, my family and their friends and my TV. Even though my idea of being an ‘adult’ in my twenties was slightly warped, it is nothing like Gen Z, who have grown up with access to everyone, everywhere, all at once. Before I go into this list, I need to reiterate that your twenties are supposed to be difficult and confusing and that it’s not normal to have it all figured out and to be living like the protagonist of an early 2000s film. There is a very small % of people at that age who are live, love, laughing (I don’t even say this ironically anymore, I’m so sorry) because they’ve come from very wealthy families who bankroll them or have somehow managed to earn an insane amount at that age to afford a very cushy lifestyle. Just because you now have access to them via the internet and because you see them living like this, it still doesn’t mean it’s normal. You are not falling behind because you’re not where an online stranger halfway across the world appears to be via social media. Okay, onto the lessons;

1. Your Friendships Will Change - This has been a tough thing for me to wrap my head around in my twenties. I’ve made a lot of great acquaintances, I’ve met lots of amazing new people, I’ve made some genuine friends, and I’ve also lost some. Adult friendships aren’t about who you speak to the most and who you see the most, even though growing up, this is probably what you believe friendships are. In my twenties, as I became busier and understood how important my time and energy was, I started to realise who my actual friends were. Who are the people I want to prioritise? Who are the people who I would drop everything for? Who are the people who would be the first to offer help if I asked? Who could I trust to be there when I needed it the most? You realise that the circle of people who fit the above criteria is incredibly small. And that’s okay. Don’t be scared when you start to see this change happening. You can and will make great friends as an adult, and it’s okay to let go of your friends from school if that friendship is no longer healthy for you. You’re not going to end up friendless; you’re just choosing quality over quantity.

2. Everyone Has Imposter Syndrome - I promise you, the people you look up to and admire have the same moments of self-doubt that you do. I truly believe that anyone with an ounce of self-awareness has imposter syndrome. In this newsletter, I spoke about confidence, and in my twenties, the things I mentioned there have never rung more true. Whilst you are in your own head, doubting yourself and worrying about whether you’re good enough, everyone else is doing the same. We are all too self-absorbed to analyse others in the way we do ourselves. Nobody truly has it all figured out, so please don’t worry yourself thinking that you’re the only person who is lost and confused. We have a way of idolising ‘adults’ when we are younger, but as you age and start to speak to people in their 20s, 30s, 40s and beyond, you realise everyone is kind of winging it in some way or another.